Mission to boys’ bathroom proves nearly impossible


Angel Gonzalez

Thanks to recent events, a trip to the restroom is now a dangerous safari.

Angel Gonzalez, Staff Writer

Imagine sitting for an 82-minute class period, holding it in for the entirety because you don’t want to fall behind on instruction or because you are too afraid your teacher will deny your request.

You try to find any form of distraction, but you can’t help looking at the clock, wishing that time speeds up just for you. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into years, “ringgg!”

Once you hear that beautiful, euphonious bell, you dart to your nearest restroom as if your life depended on it. Bam, the bathroom is locked. You panic and rush to the restroom on the other side of the hallway. It’s also closed. You hurry down the stairs. Both bathroom doors are also closed!

You feel your life flash before your eyes. That’s when you remember the restroom in the courtyard is still open. 

You walk faster than you have ever walked in your life, not even considering the fact that you are going to be late for class. You stomp through the stampede of ravenous high schoolers making their way to the lunch room.

Finally, you made it!  As soon as you walk inside, you are immediately confused as to whether you entered a toxic war zone, an abstract art museum, or a high school boys’ bathroom. 

Your first task is getting through the group of vaping kids blocking the entrance. Once you finally squeeze your way through, you see it, the thing you have been waiting for your entire life! 

You finish doing your business and as you make your way to the sink. “AARGH.” You didn’t notice your local urinal violently spewing water, as if it were an erupting volcano. At last you make it through the obstacle course of water and vaping boys and finally make it to the sink.

You stare in awe at a beautiful paper tower sculpture that was built directly on top of the sink, clogging the drain. 

You turn the water on and begin to rinse your hands. As you reach for the soap, you see that the soap container has been completely ripped off from the wall and is nowhere to be seen.

Due to the chosen art medium of Silverado High School boys, there aren’t any more paper towels. You run out of the restroom, with your hands dripping wet.

“Ringgggg!” You speed walk with a fire in your eyes. You finally make it to class, and you are left with a late slip and a heroic story to tell your grandchildren.